A GOOD RAPE
You are likely to hate me if I tell you my story. Well, I can’t remain quiet, I have ever been an expressive person. I like to speak out and interact.
When I was born, the world became dark for my parents who wanted a son at least the fifth time. Imagine my unwelcome entry into a hateful world that proffered poisoned milk and reluctant sustenance with cold embraces in my earliest days! I did survive thanks to nature’s odds that render a mathematical protection to endangered lives discounting the worst levels of cruelty.
It is strange how, often, unwanted babies evolve into full handsomeness. And I was the cutest of the five sisters while remaining the most unwelcome member in the family! That again is the inscrutable handiwork of benign nature. I could notice every advancing month my evolving into a more and more beautiful girl.
When I completed my high school examinations, I witnessed a lot of commotion and anxiety at home. I was sixteen and how could they afford my higher education while at the same time provide a neat bundle for a dowry? My mother in whose eyes I was always a liability and a burden, was a home maker, and was wholly content to spend my father’s income. My father did show a sort of attachment to me, and I guess that was a kind of an inverse Electra Complex. How else does one describe a father’s physical love for a daughter who is exceedingly beautiful? He would touch my body, hold me tight, and sometimes kiss me on the cheek even very close to my lips.
Three of my sisters were already studying and the eldest had been engaged to be married.
It was therefore not a shock to me when Appa summoned me in front of Amma and told me, “Nirmala sweetie, you are bright and brilliant no doubt. However, there is no way we can sustain your further studies. You must seek avenues for self-employment of some sort or work with Mahila groups.”
My worst fears thus got confirmed. I began to hate the world. I began to hate myself.
And then the most excrutiating day in my life passed me on a 15th May. That day I was raped. I was raped by my closest boy friend Saif, a rich Muslim. I had always felt an intense love for him. He lived in the neighbourhood and was already assisting his father in his massive business although still a college student. He and I had gone on a lovely picnic and I have no means of knowing how I had kindled in him such a high degree of passion that he violated me mercilessly.
Saif dropped me at the bus-station and went his way. I staggered straight to my friend and classmate Vijay’s house. I knew he was alone then as his people had gone to another town to attend a wedding. Vijay was surprised and shocked at the story I recounted. He let me wash myself, arrange my clothes, get myself proper and groomed. He loved me very much and called me “Pari” (angel, in Hindi). It was I who did not have a deep interest in him as I was infatuated with Saif.
I hardly stayed in Vijay’s place for two hours before he gently walked me to my house. But I did the worst thing a woman could do while I was at his place. I was overwhelmed by all the comforting that I got from him. And he slowly took advantage of the situation and imposed himself on me. At that point I did not mind his advances at all as it seemed a great riposte to what Saif did to me. I fully yielded myself to a lusty Vijay who sated me with the act and himself too.
In a couple of months I was pregnant. And now I am Mrs.Saif. We have a five year old son too. Destiny is immune to scrutiny.
I could not think of aborting my child. I created a ruckus that shook my house and my neighbourhood. And I had to pass through all that uncertainty and chaos to achieve my present tranquillity.
I took resort to blessed science, the DNA test. God invents himself in many forms and DNA is not one of the least important of them, I can tell you!
It was proved that the father of my would-be baby was Saif, and not Vijay. So I decided that I was going to be Saif’s wife. I had felt like the winner of the most important chess-game in my life. But life is so much different from chess games! I had to use every wit in me to succeed in becoming Mrs.Saif. Mere narration of that would consume chapters.
Luckily, my choice was most easily done. Rape is the cause of my present happiness. And I am glad the rapist was Saif. He had intense love and passion for me. And obviously my body had reciprocated to that rape with ready conception! And I had immensely desired Saif’s body too, in abstraction. I need not bring in Vijay’s name anymore. He showed a great longing for me no doubt. But his love for me was not enough for him to force him into a rapist! With all his love for me he could not even father a child with me in his maiden attempt!
This blog is not psychologically convincing. When a woman gives herself fully to her lover, she would never call it rape. If she is manhandled against her grain, she would never love the man again. If she has had a bad experience, crying and heart broken, another man would try to be a do gooder and would not try the same thing on her, just for her to see the contrast good character, next if he didm, he can't be a good man because nobody torments a patient who sorely deserves rest and medication, such a patient would not allow herself for a second rape willingly. Gopaljee, aap tho confuse ho gaye, between rape and seduction, I reckon.
I had forgotten the contents of this story and had to read it to refresh my memory!
Thanks for your comment.
Events in life don't always keep accord with rationality and if one talks about emotions they seem to have their own raison d'etre, genesis and death. Life is often very complicated, as complicated as the mind could be.
I am not sure if I like this story that much now, I mean as much as when I wrote it. Today I will refuse to be close to a Muslim boy....
"But his love for me was not enough for him to force him into a rapist! With all his love for me he could not even father a child with me in his maiden attempt!"
Only perverts think like this you know. normal people know that the ONE emotion a rapist doesn't have at all is love. and sensible people know that creating a life in the 'maiden attempt' is NOT a proof of love in any sense or context.
I'm surprised that you who preach about decency in public forum have made a pervert, the central character of your story.
Not surprised;in fact,I'm flabbergasted.
What am I to say? You have a very big brain. And you love Hinduism as I do too!
No rape can be a good rape. To start with. Here I was looking at the end results. Anyway,some words are meant to sensationalise the tale too!
No rape can be good. Consider this real event-
1. A Hindu girl is raped by an alleged Muslim
2. 4 years pass but no verdict yet despite the victim having identified and testified against the accused in court
3. Mother of the accused pressurizes the victim
4. The minority dominated colony mock the woman and malign her family
5. Now the girl says she wants to marry the rapist. She claims to have converted to Islam to put an end to her ordeal
6. The learned judge thankfully dismisses her petition and understands that rape is a criminal offence.
7. The accused has now filed another application requesting the court to allow him marry the victim in judicial custody.
Such social crimes are in addition to economic crimes of theft by burqahed women in our jewelry shops, job quotas, theft of temple funds, political crimes of targeted murder of BJP/RSS volunteers, cultural crime of conversion mafia, etc.
Frankly, I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings! I dont intend to abuse anyone. But the fact of the matter is it is us who are marginalized economically with 80% poverty level [only 200 mil are in the middle class], disenfranchised [election violence such as the islamic barbarism on the TDP volunteers ruined the election in favor of UPA], alienated [by hateful bashing of our leaders like Sri Modi, Sri Mutalik, Sri V Gandhi..], besides being targeted for serial mass murders in trains, buses, markets, temples etc. etc. by islamic savages of SIMI, and other such outfits. The hateful ideology of islamofascism [to quote BUSH of USA] is behind this power dynamics of greed, lust and hate.
Ref- "There are 'criminals' in all religions. They are also part of the evolution"
By any measure, there are more criminals in the abrahamic faiths - the global economic melt-down is from the western abrahamic greed, global terrorism is from savage islamic xenophobic hatred towards infidels, etc. Your philosophy gives no safety to the potential victims of islamic hate crimes. Nor does it put food on the table.
Whether you look with colored glass or not, I dont think any of us has any religious bias or prejudice, let alone hate! We are working for social justice, political space and economic equality where religion doesn't enter at all!! We have been denied all that, 1947 being farcical. We have been denied even the most basic right to live free from street savagery such as murderous riots for TURKISH CALIPHATE, SADDAM'S HANGING, REV FALWELL'S REMARKS, DANISH CARTOONS all of which had absolutely no link to any of us or our leaders. We have been denied our right to practice our religion free from stoning from mosques, our right to follow our way of life called Hinduism free from conversion mafiosi.
Overall, it is the risky task of our leaders who are risking their lives and freedom on our behalf, even as we see Varun-ji being jailed and put under harsh conditions of NSA jihadi act of law - thus, literally losing his freedom for our sake. He deserves our love, friendly hand, reconciliation, accommodation, compromise, meaningful dialog, ..etc. in the context of crass and vulgar communal dance of SHAWANAZ HUSSAIN-BJP, MAINO, and other anti-Indian honchos and even Mayawati-ji to some degree.
No, no! I did not fashion my Saif after the Nawabgaru! I only thought that the name Saif was stylish and modern,and better than names like Moinuddin,Mohammad,Muntazir, Muqaddas etc!
Hi VSG-garu,(sorry for this national integration bait)
an afterthought: hope Saif was not modelled after our Nawab Pataudi JR?...Cheers..
Hi Caravangaru,(sorry for this national integration bit),
No, no! It was immediate conception and not immaculate conception!!!! The fellow Saif was not immaculate in his behaviour!!!!
Rab Ne Banaa Di Jodi?????!!!! Fir, "Arab Ne Banaa di Al-Qaidi"!!!
Thanks for your comments.
I did not mean to portray that she was insecure with her father.The father was nice to her allright, and his fondling of her, not all too improperly,was not from lust, but from what I have called an inverse Electra Complex.This is only very incidental to the story.
Her real insecurity arose from an uncertain future. I believe that that has been well resolved eventually to her good luck!