Fatherhood vs Motherhood - Fathers are Artificial??

Aditya Panda
Aditya Panda / 7 yrs ago /

Before a week or two,I happened to read an article by a very renouned and respected write,the name fails me no matter how hard I try to recall!!!His views stunned me completely,that precisely being the reason why the philosophy he suggested stuck to my inexperienced pea brain!!!

It went something like this...

To give birth to children was not just a good thing but a necessary process if the human species were to survive. However, to have children in the possessive sense that one has a job, or a car, or a career is both different and undesirable. A distinction must be made between fatherhood and motherhood. Motherhood is entirely natural; fatherhood isn't. Gender isn't destiny. But it is design. Women are designed to bear children if they should choose to. Elective motherhood single moms, lesbian moms, even conventional married moms is fine. Obligatory motherhood, literally thrust upon women by a patriarchal society, is not.

Men are barren, in that they aren't designed to bear children. In this sense, fatherhood is based on a claim of dubious possession: my son, my daughter. Only too often, the emphasis is on the 'my' rather than on the 'daughter' or the 'son'. This possessiveness, this insistence on trying to make their children into moulded replicas of themselves, is born out of something more primal than mere egotism or selfishness; it is born out of deep-seated genetic insecurity. As sociobiology says, only mothers are real mothers, in that they know for sure their children are really theirs; all fathers are only putative fathers, whose children may really belong to someone else, carry another's genes.

To compensate for this doubt, men try harder to be fathers, to bring into this world, by the circuitous route of another's womb, replicas of what they hope are themselves. The poor guys can never be sure. And the less sure they are, the more insecure, possessive and patriarchal they get: no daughter of mine will marry into a different community, go out late at night, wear tight jeans; no son of mine will be anything other than a doctor/ engineer/carrier-on of the family business. If the operative words of motherhood are 'we' and 'ours' (We will have a child, it'll be our child), the operative words of fatherhood are 'me' and 'mine', the vocabulary of the patriarchal tyrant.

And the ultimate Patriarchal Tyrant, of course, is God, who according to Judeo-Christian theology made man in His own image. Looking at His handiwork, that doesn't say much of Him or His image. According to a more elevated view, God is not the Father of man, but the other way round: man created God in his image, and so is not the son of God but His father. In whichever case, between the two of them, man and his God, they've made awful hash of things. Baap reh baap , what an ungodly mess? You said it.

Isnt that profound ??Fatherhood is artificial!!!What crap??What happens to the emotional bonding between couples??What happens to the bonding between fathers and their progeny??Does ego always rule??

Its true that are scores of cases falling into the above category,but can we go on to universalize this???

Hey Fathers, are you listening??

Aditya Panda / / 7 yrs ago
Aditya Panda

hey tilo,

so,we both get the job right??kewl....i gotta arrange for a black suit for the first day of work!!


Aditya Panda / / 7 yrs ago
Aditya Panda


i think both the genders are confused between the two worlds.

the roles of fathers and mothers have expanded beyond what they were previously.....and theres a serious catching up to do.


kolipakkam / / 7 yrs ago

fathers compete amongst themselves for their mates and mothers choose their mates.
this is how it is and therein starts the trouble. i am really surprised that out of 20 odd reponses no one has even brought out the importance of looking at evolutionary psychology and biology (with apologies to mkv who did touch upon it).
folks, this issue of who cares for the children and how and how much has gone way beyond pop-psychology books of the type oprah peddles on her show. it is a serious debate on evolution, including how memes may have come to play a significant role.
yes, the topic is a good one to blog on, but unless it is certified frivolous, this was not the way.
raghuram ekambaram

anuushaa / / 7 yrs ago

hi aditya...
well..since m yet to experience motherhood..i dont think i can comment.that welll but still..here is my opinion..
fathers are aritificial...coz they r barren...i dont think so... if this is taken to be the reason..then tell me wat abt barren mothers...who adopt kids??? 
they still remain as caring and as selfless...
also...the possessiveness and the desire to control the future of the child is irrespective of the gender of the parent...
if the parent..(be it father or the mother) is an egoist..s/he would never ever be able to love his child in the truest sense...because..loving somebody requires..shifting the focus of attention ...where as for an egoist the center remains his own self... 
neways...its a nice topic that u hav brought up

Aditya Panda / / 7 yrs ago
Aditya Panda

narayan mkv,

you've traced down the evolution aspect well!!!so the crests & troughs have been alterated by both the genders...interesting!!!

i concur with the observation that,in present date,due to heavy tilting of laws the balance is slowly but surely leveling!!!


Aditya Panda / / 7 yrs ago
Aditya Panda


you've turned it all around in favour of dads.....

personally, i feel dads are better parents because they can view things more objectively and they're also not manipulative as females tend to be.

i couldnt agree more!!!;-)))


madysandy / / 7 yrs ago

good topic to blog on! well, i am a mother, may be its pointed to fathers. but i have a say. fatherhood is not  just possessiveness, and not only my and mine  takes the first place, it cannot be universalised.  fatherhood can be as enjoyable as motherhood, and motherhood is not thurst upon us mothers... its the greatest gift a woman has got and men are unfortunate in that. they both are two different entities. mothers cant become fathers or vise versa.
  man created god?? i feel man created an image for an extraordinary power that exists.... so that he has an image on which his unstable mind  can concentrate, worship and have stablity to his wanderous mind. but man created religionin the name of various god...no doubt! he is the father of religion.

Esta mani / / 7 yrs ago
Esta mani

hey aditya
there is a article in india today magazine
one of the point they make is:
modern parenting, post-globalisation, demands a more accessible father. families are child-centric, children don’t hold dads in awe. fathers are not expected to be just the providers and disciplinarians. caught between old values and new, dads are confused.
i think its time men redefine their gender role, be it a boyfriend, husband, father or anything else..irrespective of what women do or want...times are changing.
i find that women change, adapt so much faster than men...and most average male is lagging behind caught up in the old world charm and fascinated by the new world...they are in limbo :) ye, i said 'average' :))

Narayan MKV / / 7 yrs ago
Narayan MKV

dear aditya,
 the way you have put it the blog makes an interesting reading.. you got more protests than commends i think. the issue is not that simple. if you take out the patriarchy culture that rules the world today, genetically and naturally both mother and father share the responsibility for kids. in patriarchal society men have misused it to dominate over the females.
if we believe in evolution, humankind has come from ape-like species, nearest cousin being the chimps. chimps and gorillas are by nature patriarchal and keep harems. as human civilisation advanced this patriarchal instinct was changed and respect for mothers ruled the old world till such time we were just hunter gatherers. both male and female hunted, shared the food and got children by random pairing. gandarva vivaha was prevalent. as hunting gathering was replaced by pastoralism the idea of warfare between clans for raids to possess more cattle wealth came. this required strong males  to fight and patriarchy took root. when sedentary farming societies formed with horticulture as the base again matriarchy came back as the females did the farming and men hunted. further in time when organised agriculture came about 10000 years back. patriarchy regained its importance for more sons required for hard field labour. again in modern life style equality is trying to come back, not yet come. it is a dilly dally balance of power between genders.
good subject for debate.

media_lady / / 7 yrs ago

fatherhood is not artificial at all. if it was we wouldn't love our dads as intensely as we do.
actually, a patriarchal society that glorifies motherhood as in india can lead to moms being overpossessive and guys with a heavy oedipius complex. personally, i feel dads are better parents because they can view things more objectively and they're also not manipulative as females tend to be.
i am all for dads.  alright i am all for moms too, but dads are dads.

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