Good Morning!!..Its really cold out there today - I remarked pleasantly to the lady sitting next to me on the bus. A barely discernible nod of the head was all I got in return, and the lady started looking the other way. It was then, that I realized how stupid I was. I was trying to strike a conversation with a desi girl. Well, of course, it is futile(read - sometimes even dangerous) to try to do so in
Now, I am not one of those "American way of life" desis who listen to Rap and have their ears pierced. I am just one of numerous "Indian in US" IT guys. I also go to lunch buffets in Indian restaurants, drive a 2nd hand Honda Civic, and call home twice a week. . Nor am I a lady basher. I have a lot of good friends who are ladies and with whom I have very good relations.
But that really is not the point. I have often wondered on the great big divide in the attitudes of Indian girls and American girls when it comes to dealing with strangers. And notwithstanding the fact that I am an average desi, I have seen and felt that. Or is it just my imagination!! Ladies here will smile at you, talk to you and are generally very friendly. The fact that you are a stranger does not prevent anybody from having a pleasant conversation, nor does the fact that you are of the opposite sex. But desi girls, more often than not give you the cold shoulder. Don't know if that is the general rule or is it just me. Seems like the former to me.
Just an observation. No offense meant to anybody.
as a desi-girl who has lived in the us of a, i'd like put in my 2c worth:
like desi (guys) and non-desi guys/girls, there are all kinds of people in the usa. some are friendly, others not. some of it has to do with your nature, other with nurture. that said, if a desi-girl is here on her own, the first couple of years are intimidating...especially if she's not from a large,cosmopolitan city. i say this without offense to anyone, but an average desi-girl is perhaps over-whelmed by the amount of initerest her mere presence generates in desi-guys, once she lands here! and, like any given population, there are the good and not-so good guys that you have to deal with....since, most of us were never brought up with the art of subtle but firm "no", many resort to the next best option - rudeness and unfriendliness..
this is not an excuse, just a possible explnation. however, over a peroid of time most desi-girls become friendly and chatty, fun people. they also learn how to deal with the bad 'uns, without being rude to all.....and yeah, eventually all desi guys learn that when a girl says no - she means, no.
hi, i agree that desis in general don't like talking to strangers, especially strangers from their own land ! i noticed very soon after moving to the us a few years ago that every other nationality seeks out its own kind, but we desis look at each other and wonder "hmm... how did he get here !". its sad, but we desis seem to leave india to get away from indians, not to seek professional opportunities in the us.
so, a desi girl ignoring you on the bus would have happened even if you were another girl !
you're right - i was just being flippant. seriously though, i find that your comments apply to most desis in the us, both men and women. my husband and i were on vacation recently and we saw just one other desi couple there. we walked by them and i smiled at them - either they ignored me or they didn't care to respond. i think it's a desi issue, here in the u.s. - some people are very selective, some plain self-absorbed... the interesting thing is that i see some desi's respond more readily to gore's than to their own. not sure what it is, but it is an interesting sociological phenomenon...
garam@toronto - thanks for the comments. actually, i was trying to converse that day and not attract anybody to me. its not that i don't notice girls but the point then was just to have a pleasant conversation. it being a friday, i was in a happy mood.
rainyas - thanks for the response. you seem to be making a general presumptuous statement based on your experience with only a couple of guys, or maybe none at all.
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garam toronto - please look up the word "oxymoron." it definitely does not mean what you intend it to mean. perhaps that's why some desi girls seem incomprehensible to you...
as a desi girl, i know that if i get friendly with a desi guy (from india) as opposed to an abcd, he gets the wrong idea..., so i'd rather not make my life complicated.
desi broads love playing games the more attention they get from a desi dude the higher their pedstal moves so if you really want to grab their attention just begin by ignoring them! try this unique method and get back to me. next time you see a desi young lady you covet just look at her once to grab her attention, yawn and then look the other way expressing boredom and disinterest . desi chicks are like oxymorons. the less attention they receive the more they get attracted to that man. on the other hand a simian's behind may be prettier than the desi broads mug but if you make the mistake of giving her too much attention she thinks of you as a useless jerk
i was talking to a desi young lady yesterday and the gist of her conversation was that dudes who really like her are the biggest jerks. she thinks if they give her too much attention they are stalkers. she is canadian born but her parents are from the north part of south asia. she thinks all dudes from the north are psycho-idiots i told her that all desi chicks are money and status hungry vultures.
just ignore them and somehow they probably will get attracted to you. they are already used to the drooling desi princes who fall in love with every desi girl on the street and then chase them. try something different. all a desi girls bloated ego needs is a prick
thanks for responding back aanchal sharma. the message about impressing girls was a good one. unfortunately, i could not even start with the first step mentioned there. just kidding.
cheers - manas
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i know ur not a desi girl thats why i had said that i wish u were a desi girl,so that u know whats the big deal about talking to strangers.
anyways in the context that u have said indian girls desi,i m a desi girl and i m happy about it.at least i dont have regrets(& hope wont have any in the future too) that i did a mistake.as in india being friendly esp 4 a girl is dangerous,and by this time it may have been clear to u that it really is(considering the comments u hav got).
and still 1 more thing,a light message that i got yesterday on my cell,says a lot about what i mean to say
how to impress a girl
spend money on her
buy things 4 her
listen to her
care 4 her
stand by her
go to the ends 4 the earth 4 her
how to impress a boy
just smile once and he is urs.
thanks for all the responses people.
ashish bhagat - thanks for sharing your experience with us. of course, its quite easy to see the connection between success and good communication/networking skills.
poundwise - "in all probability the female you met has been here for a very short time and has not yet accustomed herself to the culture of this place." that certainly is a distinct possibility. i never wanted this to be a personal attack on this particular lady. it is, as i said, just an observation for a discussion. as it turned out, it did lead to a good and lively discussion with a lot of opinions. thanks for your comments.
desi dish - thanks again for your response. as i had remarked on another post, your comments make interesting read. more so because they seem very frank. do keep writing.
ezeefrzee - thanks again for responding. i can understand where you are coming from. many of us often feel intimidated and inferior to foreigners. hope we get over that feeling soon.
cz - don't get me wrong here. i am not against indian culture. but whats wrong in imbibing good things from other cultures too. why can't we smile and talk with strangers and also make coffe/lunch for our neighbours. they don't have to be mutually exclusive. we can open our hearts and minds to other good things, like we opened our economy. -:)
chillipie - thanks for your comments. i do try my best to help people from india as much as possible. we have, in fact a big group of people from india, where i reside.
gok - thanks for your opinion. please keep writing.
i dnt think so cz..nobdy trin to pull dwn fellow indians ..but this is wat happens beleive me.....and of in us ....the firangs help too..depends on how friendly u are with them .