WHEN PARENTS PASS AWAY

Neera Sanotra
Neera Sanotra / Blog / 6 yrs ago /
  4


It is inevitable in life that our parents will pass away at some time or another. As hard as this sounds we all know that this is the truth.

Death is a natural law of existence. Whosoever is born must die. Given the fact that our parents were born at least twenty to thirty years or more before us it is a kind of given that we will face their deaths during our own lifetimes.

When we are just children we tend to view our parents as immortal. We need them in every possible way and therefore think and expect that they will always be there for us no matter what.

As we grow, by and by we become aware of their mortality. We come to understand that like everyone else, they too will grow old  and die some day. However, we tend to avoid this thought in every way possible. We shudder at the very idea as life seems inconceivable without them.

 However, as time passes and we watch their inevitable aging and enfeeblement this thought can no longer be avoided. As we mature and become more and more self reliant, gradually, we can reach a stage when we come to expect, to accept and perhaps even embrace, as a  fact of life, that they will sooner or later be no more.

But does expecting, accepting and even embracing the fact of our parent's inevitable passing away mean that we will experience no grief when and if that actually does happen?  No, not on our life! Losing a parent at any age, in whatever circumstances and happenstance is an emotional loss and trauma of the highest kind. Just because a parent was old or very sick or in pain, does not mean that we will feel no grief at their passing away. We will. We will grieve whether we want to or not.

The passing away of a parent or both is in a sense a passing away of our own carefree childhood and dependence on them. The comfort that we felt in their arms and in their reassuring presence was like a shield against the big, bad and evil world out there. As long as they are there, alive, we still sense that comfort somehow. We still feel protected from external things by the very existence of our elders, by the fact of their love and blessings for us.

Once they are gone we feel exposed and vulnerable as if a merciless wind has snatched off the shade-giving awning that we were standing underneath. We miss them and wish we had said or done things differently. No matter the grudges or grievances that we may have held against them, no matter the disagreements we may have had with them while they were alive and kicking, we realise that no one else in the whole wide world will love us in an unconditional a manner as they have.

We will grieve at their loss, at the fact that they will not be around anymore. We will grieve at the passing of time, at the fact that life changes in spite of the fact that we do not want it to. We will grieve because there were so many more things to be done and/or said. We will grieve because we may never be as special to anyone else in life, as loved and wanted and even adored as by them.

We will also grieve because even though we may have so many other loving, wonderful relationships in life none will be as special, as nurturing, as deep and meaningful as the one we have/had with our parents.

We must cherish our parents while they are still alive because time passes by swiftly and before we know it our parents will have been swept far far away from us to a place where we will never be able to reach them. And then...then it will be too late.


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Neera Sanotra / / 6 yrs ago
Neera Sanotra

yes, orphaned is the right word for the feeling...
neera


Stoney / / 6 yrs ago
Stoney

hi neera - very true. no matter at what age you loose them, you still feel orphaned. stoney


Neera Sanotra / / 6 yrs ago
Neera Sanotra

thanks komlet, am glad that my words struck a resonance with you. thanks for visiting.
neera


komlet / / 6 yrs ago
komlet

hi neera, i can not resist myself.....i too have gone through the same phase and rightly no one else can love as unconditionally as parents do, we grieve and miss them lot .......facts are facts.....emotions and love never thinks it feels.........thanks for sharing yourself here.